Thursday, January 2, 2014

Presents You Don't Want

“The Fourth Santa of the Apocalypse,” Spotswood, N.J. Santa skeleton on horse.
“The Fourth Santa of the Apocalypse,” Spotswood, N.J.

Well, here we are again: the gifts have been opened and, alone in your home, you survey the loot. Maybe it doesn't all come up to your expectations, maybe there are some real misses in the pile, but you know, it could be worse.  Here are some weird presents the Huffington Post listed in 2012:
  • Dog Lamp With Poop-shaped Floor Switch: You step on the poop to turn it on.
  • Cheese Head Bed: A mattress shaped like a slice of cheese.
  • Barking Door Alarm: This plays the sound of an angry dog when someone tries to forcefully open your door.
  • UnderUps: Suspenders that go under your shirt so you don’t look like a throw-back from the 70s.
  • Wine Rack Stealth Cooler Bra: This bra holds 25 ounces of alcohol and it comes with a rubber straw for sipping.
  • CanBeGlobal: A can of air from any one of the fabulous cities around the world.
  • Bloody Wall Mural: This is wallpaper that offers a morbid and bloody scene.
There's a list for 2013, too. Be thankful you didn't get the grass covered flip-flops.

Grass covered flip-flops

You can find another odd list on that includes fake hairy feet shoes from Nike, endangered feces, and pork flavored dental floss.

Shoes from Nike that look like hairy feet.
Nike Hairy feet shoes

At least if you received a present as terrible as some of these, you'll have a good tale to tell, huh?  People enjoy sharing their "really bad present" stories:
My aunt once gave me a book entitled, "How to Save Your Marriage." My other aunt gave me a Weight Watchers scale. -- Plain Jane
Okay, some are just plain sad.

But kids--kids actually ask for weird presents.   For example:
  • My 3 year old really really wants ANOTHER invisible puppy for Christmas. I don’t know if it’s in the budget.
  • My oldest asked for “a real baby sister and a toy stepmother” — she already has a baby sister and the step mother thing isn’t going to happen.
  • My 5 year old asked for kitten chow. We don’t have a cat.
  • My four year old told me he wants one of those “roller thingies that he can lay on and roll underneath cars so he can see underneath cars” …..and no, we do not have any mechanics in the family that he could have gotten this idea from…..he also wants a locker, his own refrigerator, and his own washing machine…..
  • When my son was 5 he asked for a clipboard. I didn’t think he really wanted one so he didn’t get one and in Christmas morning that is the one thing he said “Santa didn’t bring me a clipboard.” He asked for one when he was six also, he got it that year.
  • Last year my 14-year-old asked for SPAM! Yep she got it. Not only from Santa, but from everyone that knew she wanted it! We went to Hawaii earlier that year and she fell in love with Spam!
  • This year my son ask for a bag of concrete and chicken wire!! I have no clue what he is planning.
  • My 3 year old wants to go to the car wash for Christmas
  • My son asked for a fart machine so he could blame it on his toy 
Next year, to know your presents for others will not be on one of those lists, use our consumer information pages to help you make your choices.

Now it's time to treat yourself.  Come to the library and borrow that book you didn't get in your stocking.  You can find a list of books on order, and read suggestions at the Reader's Café  or on the sites for kids or teens.

Happy New Year!

Cartoon of Annette

1 comment: